Okay, so I promised you the funniest first date story ever.
So maybe that was hyperbole, but it seemed hilarious at 8 am this morning after no sleep. So we'll see.
My Own Idiocy - Phase 1, 8 pm Tuesday 21st
I'm at home, 8 pm Tuesday night, eating dinner and prepping for a movie night with a housemate and my bestie. Bestie is eagerly reading through text messages from the latest boy in my life, with whom I have a date planned for Wednesday night.
My phone makes that happy little text message noise, and Bestie passes the phone to me.
The message is from the boy, we'll call him Gray. It reads:
"Heya, is your arrival imminent? ;)"
*cue intense rush of horror and confusion, frantic checking of text messages arranging the date, and then freaking out*
"Shit shit shit!" I say. Housemate + friend, curious, look at me.
"What's wrong?"
"I am supposed to be on a date with Gray, right now."
Bestie: *hysterical laughter* "Oh. That's a problem then."
Turns out I had my wires crossed, the date was planned for Tuesday, not Wednesday, as Gray works Wednesday night.
*cue frantic phone call, intense mortification and apologies*
The date is rescheduled for an hour's time (the joy of living close) and I make like a chicken trying to get ready. (Anyone familiar with female first date preparations will know that having less than an hour to get ready is a little ambitious- I was COMPLETELY UNPREPARED.)
Anyway, date was excellent, we closed a few bars, ended up on the couch at my house chatting until 8 am.
Eeep! - Phase 2, 8 am Wednesday 22nd
Boy and I are chatting on the couch. Bestie wakes up, wanders out, says good morning, wanders into the bathroom. Gray goes outside for a cigarette.
Bestie comes back, look of dismay on his little face, and says:
"Um, you may not want to use the bathroom anytime soon."
I give him a oh-my-god-did-you-just-stink-up-my-bathroom look.
"Not me and worse than you think." he says.
Naturally I can't help but investigate, and to my horror, in my toilet, is the BIGGEST POO IN THE WHOLE GODDAMNED WORLD.
*cue intense horror, frantic unsuccessful attempts to flush said poo*
Normally I wouldn't be too bothered- poo is icky, true, but you know, natural. However I c an't cope with it being poo of hot boy that I have just had a lovely first date with. That is wrong. Hot nice boys don't do giant unflushable turds in my toilet!
*cue frantic MSN conversation with Housemate-In-America re poo removal*
Finally after much fuss, poo is gone (drop lots of paper on top, then use both flushes, several times. GONE!) and all is well in the world again.
So that's the story.
Despite terrible poo related dramas, I am still eager for another date. So's he, it seems.
Yay!
m
Image pinched from Alvorada.
6 comments:
Dating a smoker, yet again?
For someone who hates smokers... well, need I finish? :P
LOL Of all of that post, that's what you picked up on?
Yes, he's a smoker...it's the bartender thing- everybody in hospitality smokes!
I still think it's icky though. Oh well.
m
Oh.My.Fucking.God!
You don't wanna see a hot boys turd! Not on the first date anyway. And who poos on a first date?
That is Gold. GOLD! LOLZ.
Oh dear!
That is so gross. But at least you know he eats a lot of fiber.
(generally the cause of floaty unflushable poos)
oh gawd, did I just admit to knowing that?
Excuses, excuses!
steph- I think he kinda had no choice, we were at my house for a good four hours in the am.
natalie- Alas it wasn't a floaty poo, actually so heavy it was like cemented to the bowl!
pablo- Yep. And aren't they great ones?!
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