Contrary + one million

So, I have a dilemma. (Pablo, you may want to skip this one, so you don't get the urge to kill me.)

Okay, so there's this ex I have, right. Not the most recent one. It's the one who's bed I woke up in a few weekends ago, though that time we just spooned, it was all (relatively) innocent.

Our relationship was always a bit complicated- I only ever really wanted casual sex from him, and he wanted more from me; at the time I didn't really know how to say no to his wanting more, and it bothered me a lot. I actually reached the point where I refused to hang out with him because the chemistry was too insane- I had zero chance of being friends with him without fooling around with him.

Now, a few years on, we've both been through some different things, and while the first time round fucked me up a lot, I am considering sleeping with him again. Does this make me an idiot? He says he's not interested in getting back together, and I just want sex, so what do you reckon? I really need some help!

Ooops...

I am a terrible terrible drunkard. So, work boy had arranged to come round last night, because he was going to be in the neighbourhood, finishing a group assignment. I however got invited out to the Regatta for free drinkies, which is understandably difficult to pass up. I initially planned to not drink, because I drove the car and would need to get home to see work boy. However, some evil people started waving free champagne right under my nose, and I couldn't resist. So I texted work boy asking if he could come get us. No response for ages, so I just got hammered instead.

Several hours later I texted him to find out what was happening, and he said he would come get us. He did, I was hammered by this point, we oh so nicely requested that he drive our friend home to Auchenflower also, and then us.

So we get home, cuddle and shit, go to bed, and I am extremely drunk by this point. The chemistry is still not great, even with the help of the booze. Oh noes! Then I feel the need to go and throw up, and he doesn't even look after me while I'm doing it! Bitch! Then I go back to bed, we make out, he gets really pushy for action "Just kiss it! Just kiss it!" and I'm not really that into it, being chemistry-less and hammered. So, and my memory gets a little fuzzy here, he leaves. Not quite sure what the conversation about him leaving was, and I didn't see him to the door. Oops!

I have to go to work now, I hope it's not too awkward!

What do you think?

m

Oh dear...

I never learn, do I?

m

Freud would have loved me...

I had the best crazy dreams last night!

The first one was my favourite, in it I was in love with this super hot jock guy (pretty much a replica of the guy who rejected me at the party on Saturday, boo hoo) and he was just as infatuated. Admittedly I think even my dream in love ness was due to regular and thorough shaggings, but what can you do! Everyone else in my dream hated him, because he was a 'big dumb jock' but I was deliriously happy- see Shrink, I can do it, even if only in my dreams!

Then he dissappeared from my dream and I was very sad, spent the next four dreams looking for him. So lame, but so me!

Anyway, the dirt is in the other dreams. Along with some wacky 'dodgeball on a massive scale' dreams, in one of these little scenarios, I had a threesome- with two of my exes- the bad one, and another one I'm still in contact with, and one of them was dominating us both! Weird.

I wonder what it all means? Any thoughts?

Myspace is the vehicle of my discontent....

Fark! I was being good and everything, not torturing myself by reading the ex's myspace, just reading my friends, but I have the misfortune to come across a comment from his ex referencing to a conversation with him.

Jesus!

Fuck!

(Yes, I am aware of how incredibly emo this is. I'm just going to go and cut myself and listen to My Chemical Romance now, okay?)

m

Another list post...

...because I can't be bothered forming proper paragraphs. So there.


Things I Did On The Weekend:

• saw a band I didn't really like
• got extremely hammered
• spooned with an ex (not the most recent one, but the bad one!) (I can't leave those bastards alone, can I?)
  
• crazy-danced to The Grates
• got (presumably) rejected by the boy who raided my toy-drawer- he didn't reply to my text. Bastard.
  
• got rejected by a super hot (although wanker) boy at a party
• got told by the ex-girlfriend of the super hot boy that he has a tiny penis. Sour grapes or not, it's what I wanted to hear!
• was invisible to boys at the RE on sunday. Bastards!

So in sum, not a great weekend over all. Stupid boys! I had fun anyway though, so that's good!

Another list.

My Financial Priorities Right Now

• paying my housemate back
• getting a ticket to Pauhaus festival (wooo The Grates!)
• erm...start saving?

m

Okay, proper adventures for your delectation... (not even sure if that is a word, but oh well!)

So Steph demanded that I post about the sexing, so naturally I went out and got the sexing. Just so she would have something to read. *Grin*

A number of adventures to report from the weekend.

Friday: Hmm, is it sad that I am struggling to remember? Oh yes, now I remember. Went out bowling with some friends, then convinced them to go to the RE. I got kicked out of the RE! Anyone who lives in Brisbane will understand how cool that is- it's bloody hard to get kicked out of there, and I wasn't even pissed! I just fell over my own feet and the bouncer was like 'Right, time for you to go!" Bah. Met a boy though, and had lovely makeouts with him. Came home, threw up, attempted to read Harry Potter whilst intoxicated, failed dismally, went to sleep.

Saturday: Had a date with the mad boy. Yep, still mad, less attractive now. I think my inner biology detects the madness and says 'No, must not procreate with mad people...would engender a race of mental freaks!"

Sunday: Attempted to go to the Caxton Street Seafood Festival to get hammered and see AFL boy's band play, but when we got there the queue wasn't moving, and when I whinged about it to the boy from Friday night he said it was because they weren't selling tickets anymore, due to the festival being too packed. So we gave up on that idea, went to City Backpackers and sat on the balcony drinking and watching the sun set. My friends were making people kiss other people, which was all very highschool, but funny anyway. Was texting the boy from Friday night... let's call him Stripes, and getting a bit annoyed about slow replies, but persisting. Went to the RE asked him if he was still there, and his reply, was, and I quote 'Yeah'. This, predictably, went down like a lead fucking elephant. I was feeling irrationally bummed about being ditched, and was totally not in the mood to pick up somebody else.

Luckily he got in contact, and it turns out he was really hammered, so relatively incapable of responding to messages properly, which was an excuse I accepted readily enough.

So we hung out, I had a touch of grass-is-greenerism because there was this totally hot guy around also, but I recovered, and had a lovely time being pinned to the bar rather intensely by Stripes, which was lovely. We made out, and the chemistry was excellent, he's a little bit rough which is what I like, he was determinedly trying to convince me to take him home, I was umming and aahing as usual, but eventually I was swayed. And aren't I glad I was!

We didn't have sex, but we did lots of other things and boy was he good at them. He raided my toy cabinet though, I warned him not to, but I could see him getting increasingly freaked out as he pulled more and more interesting things out, tee hee, it was funny. (Iif a little worrying, cause I kind of hope to fool around with him again.)

So now we arrive at today, where the guy from work who I like has asked me out for coffee after work tommorrow, and I have a freaking hickey! Stupid Stripes! Luckily not too huge a hickey, so I will just borrow some foundation off my housemate and cross my fingers!

Still slightly concerned that work guy is gay- he has a lot of female friends, just spend 400 bucks on clothes, and likes Pride and Predjudice!

Wish me luck kiddies,

m

A wander down memory lane...

So tonight I went out for cake at Freestyle with a former potential fuckbuddy. Yes, you read that right. I met him in October after breaking up with the ex for the first time, he's pretty hot, has a lovely AFL body and most excellent stomach, is fun enough, plus he plays guitar in a band, which I love, cause I adore talented guys. Anyway, I was hoping to maybe resume our little casual thing, but alas I got turned down- he is dating someone and likes her, which is fair enough.

Still frustrating though- I want sex, with someone I have good chemistry with! At the moment those options are AFL boy or Gray, and neither is particularly likely. Finding someone new with good chemistry is so hard. AFL's chemistry was good, but Gray's was electric...I tell you, just sucking on his finger sent shivers down my spine.

Hmm, that's all.

m

Why hello there....

So my date went well... it wasn't on the same level as the dates with Gray were, (that is, awesome) but I had fun. He is indeed mad, but it was a reasonably entertaining kind of mad. We had a little adventure gallivanting from bar to bar around the city, and time passed quickly, which is good. Certainly not boyfriend material, but fun to date.

I think I don't really have feelings for my housemate, it's just my brain being all weird and exploring options...I am just being a bit mental about it for no real reason, that's all. I could never date him...I said I wanted a more manly guy than the ex, but he's a little too blokey even for me.

Whee, I think I just found Gray's profile on a dating website. Should I message him? Eep! *is scared* Well, I messaged him. I texted him actually, a week or so ago, and no reply. Of course I am telling myself he has gotten a new phone since then. Ha, ha, isn't self delusion fun? Oh well, we will see if he replies.

Still like the boy at work, nothing new to report there other than I think I may have sussed out that he doesn't have a girlfriend. At least, when I asked him if he went to the Law Ball with his friends, he said yeah. So maybe no girlfriend.

*busy looking at Gray's profile photo* Christ, I had forgotten how hot he was. And how much of a crush I had on him. Okay, maybe I didn't forget that last part. Remembered every minute of it. But yeah. Manic now, tee hee. I don't think I would want to date Gray again, perhaps just have a casual arrangement, because our chemistry was sizzling!

The ex is frustrating me also, just being difficult when I am trying to organize to exchange our stuff. And now his msn name is 'this is getting over you' to which my (internal) response is 'Great, thanks asshole.'

Boys eh? Who'd have em!

m