...and again....

So I broke up with the boy again. *sigh* Having doubts right now, of course, just trying to ignore them. I hope I made the right choice.

m

Trials of life etc...

Just an update for those of you who were curious.

It's been a rough week, and it's only Tuesday. Yesterday I was so low I went for an appointment at the counsellor's at uni, and today I went for an emergency appointment to see my shrink, as I couldn't tolerate being so low anymore. He swapped my meds to lithium, so yay, I'm on the same medication Kurt Cobain wrote about. Lithium takes a couple of weeks to work, but I've had a nice placebo effect making me a bit cheerier, (although not much) and have killer stomach pains, yay to side effects that kick in before the actual effect does.

Still questioning my relationship, still nitpicky about irrational things like how he doesn't type all gramatically correct and the like, and about the way his voice sounds when he's dealing with unfamiliar people or situations. They seem really petty don't they? I wish I wasn't nitpicky about them but I don't know how to stop. Apparently I have problems with intimacy, and finding fault is sure a good way to try and find an excuse to not have to be intimate anymore. Even though I want to be, in my concious mind- want to be madly in love with him, want to spend time with him, want to cuddle him and play with his hair and stroke his forehead, all of that.

Hmm, that sounded almost sappy, didn't it? See, I can do it sometimes.

Well, that's really all kids.

m

WARNING: This is going to be a sad, mopey wallowing in misery post.

So I'm feeling a bit blah right now, mostly thanks to Zyprexa induced weight gain- I am not liking it at all. My clothes are starting to not fit, and I am generally feeling quite blah and flabby, not helped by my constant sugar cravings (thanks Zyprexa!) and increased appetite.

I don't know, am just feeling an overwhelming desire to lead a 'normal' life, and not be on medication that makes me fat. I am starting to feel like I will never be able to have a 'good' life, looking into the future and feeling like I am always going to be struggling with this disease.

I know for the weight gain at least I just have to exercise more, but like most people I am lazy, and I am even less likely than most people to be able to force myself into doing things I don't want to do (ie. exercise).

Well, that's really all I've got to say. So I'll probably leave it at that.

m

So I've been back in the country for a couple of days now...

just too lazy to post about it.

That's all, nothing else to report other than Zyprexa is making me fat, New Zealand is very cold and full of yummy chocolates, and I have nothing further to say.

m