...and again....

So I broke up with the boy again. *sigh* Having doubts right now, of course, just trying to ignore them. I hope I made the right choice.

m

Trials of life etc...

Just an update for those of you who were curious.

It's been a rough week, and it's only Tuesday. Yesterday I was so low I went for an appointment at the counsellor's at uni, and today I went for an emergency appointment to see my shrink, as I couldn't tolerate being so low anymore. He swapped my meds to lithium, so yay, I'm on the same medication Kurt Cobain wrote about. Lithium takes a couple of weeks to work, but I've had a nice placebo effect making me a bit cheerier, (although not much) and have killer stomach pains, yay to side effects that kick in before the actual effect does.

Still questioning my relationship, still nitpicky about irrational things like how he doesn't type all gramatically correct and the like, and about the way his voice sounds when he's dealing with unfamiliar people or situations. They seem really petty don't they? I wish I wasn't nitpicky about them but I don't know how to stop. Apparently I have problems with intimacy, and finding fault is sure a good way to try and find an excuse to not have to be intimate anymore. Even though I want to be, in my concious mind- want to be madly in love with him, want to spend time with him, want to cuddle him and play with his hair and stroke his forehead, all of that.

Hmm, that sounded almost sappy, didn't it? See, I can do it sometimes.

Well, that's really all kids.

m

WARNING: This is going to be a sad, mopey wallowing in misery post.

So I'm feeling a bit blah right now, mostly thanks to Zyprexa induced weight gain- I am not liking it at all. My clothes are starting to not fit, and I am generally feeling quite blah and flabby, not helped by my constant sugar cravings (thanks Zyprexa!) and increased appetite.

I don't know, am just feeling an overwhelming desire to lead a 'normal' life, and not be on medication that makes me fat. I am starting to feel like I will never be able to have a 'good' life, looking into the future and feeling like I am always going to be struggling with this disease.

I know for the weight gain at least I just have to exercise more, but like most people I am lazy, and I am even less likely than most people to be able to force myself into doing things I don't want to do (ie. exercise).

Well, that's really all I've got to say. So I'll probably leave it at that.

m

So I've been back in the country for a couple of days now...

just too lazy to post about it.

That's all, nothing else to report other than Zyprexa is making me fat, New Zealand is very cold and full of yummy chocolates, and I have nothing further to say.

m

I seed a whale!

I went whale watching this morning, it was pretty cool. Literally, as it was bloody fucking freezing, and the ocean was hugely choppy, so the boat was coming up and crashing down like...well, like a big uppy downy crashy thing. I can't complain though, coz the other option would have been cancelling the trip, which would sucko majoro. The whales (sperm whales) were cool, I guess, in as much as seeing one tenth of any animal could be considered 'cool'. The dolphins were better- made me wish I'd forked out my 130 bucks fordolphin swimming instead. Although given the weather I suppose we probably would have been cancelled.


Plus *squee* I met Ross Noble! In Kaikoura, a teeny tourist town in the middle of nowhere- got my photo with him and everythings! I am going to see his show tonight now.

I am in Christchurch now. Civilization is nice.

m

Travelogging plus....

So tommorrow I jet (well, actually boat) off to the South Island, for a whirlwind tour. Seven days of whirlwind, to be precise. This whirlwindyness is a result of the rail pass I bought only lasting seven days. Which is major sucko, and now I only get to spend an afternoon and night in Kaikoura, not a full day. Oh well.

I am super emo today, it's predictably shithouse- just been stressing about various things, and by various things I mean 'nitpicking at my relationship with the boy'. Today's nitpick, the tone of the email he sent me, which I thought was too 'matey' and not 'girlfriendy' enough. Even though previously I have said I don't like that 'sappy shit' and have freaked out when emotions get too emotiony on me. So wrap your head around that one, if you please. I think it has something to do with the title of this blog, non?

I'm blaming the emo on having a few drinks last night, even though it was only two premixes. I seem to be over sensitive to alcohol and this is making me seriously consider just not drinking anymore. My life was perfectly entertaining for 18 years without booze, I can do it, surely? I don't know, I just seem to get so down after I drink, it doesn't always seem worth it, no matter how fun the giddy happy buzz of being drunk is.

Speaking of emos, this town doesn't have any. Which is not so surprising, it is a one shopping centre town. But it is still a shock to the system that most young people here dress normally. I know, startling stuff!

Anyway, I am going to stop haunting the internet in search of cheeriness now.

Ciao kids.

m

Because all the cool kids fall back on lists when they can't be bothered with proper posts....

Things about New Zealand:

• The people here are very literal. Advertising in Aussieland seems subtle compared to here, especially the anti-drink driving type things- like there's a billboard here in New Plymouth that says "Don't buy drink for under 18s." No fuss with catchy slogans, just the message. Simpler that way, I guess.


• The supermarket here is super high tech- instead of little paper labels for prices on the shelves, they have digital ones- like the display on a clock. It's hella cool!

• Okay, so I can't think of anything else. Here's something I prepared earlier.

UV light is my friend. I am the stripeyness.

From New Zealand D...

You put the POO... in the DOG. See? In its mouth. Just like a real dog! Much better than those boring bins we have back in Oz.

From New Zealand D...

More photos through that link if you're interested.

m