Craptastic to be continued...(or whatever I called that post down there.)

Okay, so I promised you the funniest first date story ever.

So maybe that was hyperbole, but it seemed hilarious at 8 am this morning after no sleep. So we'll see.


My Own Idiocy - Phase 1, 8 pm Tuesday 21st

I'm at home, 8 pm Tuesday night, eating dinner and prepping for a movie night with a housemate and my bestie. Bestie is eagerly reading through text messages from the latest boy in my life, with whom I have a date planned for Wednesday night.

My phone makes that happy little text message noise, and Bestie passes the phone to me.

The message is from the boy, we'll call him Gray. It reads:

"Heya, is your arrival imminent? ;)"

*cue intense rush of horror and confusion, frantic checking of text messages arranging the date, and then freaking out*

"Shit shit shit!" I say. Housemate + friend, curious, look at me.

"What's wrong?"

"I am supposed to be on a date with Gray, right now."

Bestie: *hysterical laughter* "Oh. That's a problem then."

Turns out I had my wires crossed, the date was planned for Tuesday, not Wednesday, as Gray works Wednesday night.

*cue frantic phone call, intense mortification and apologies*

The date is rescheduled for an hour's time (the joy of living close) and I make like a chicken trying to get ready. (Anyone familiar with female first date preparations will know that having less than an hour to get ready is a little ambitious- I was COMPLETELY UNPREPARED.)

Anyway, date was excellent, we closed a few bars, ended up on the couch at my house chatting until 8 am.

Eeep! - Phase 2, 8 am Wednesday 22nd


Boy and I are chatting on the couch. Bestie wakes up, wanders out, says good morning, wanders into the bathroom. Gray goes outside for a cigarette.

Bestie comes back, look of dismay on his little face, and says:

"Um, you may not want to use the bathroom anytime soon."

I give him a oh-my-god-did-you-just-stink-up-my-bathroom look.

"Not me and worse than you think." he says.

Naturally I can't help but investigate, and to my horror, in my toilet, is the BIGGEST POO IN THE WHOLE GODDAMNED WORLD.

*cue intense horror, frantic unsuccessful attempts to flush said poo*

Normally I wouldn't be too bothered- poo is icky, true, but you know, natural. However I c an't cope with it being poo of hot boy that I have just had a lovely first date with. That is wrong. Hot nice boys don't do giant unflushable turds in my toilet!

*cue frantic MSN conversation with Housemate-In-America re poo removal*

Finally after much fuss, poo is gone (drop lots of paper on top, then use both flushes, several times. GONE!) and all is well in the world again.

So that's the story.

Despite terrible poo related dramas, I am still eager for another date. So's he, it seems.

Yay!

m

Image pinched from Alvorada.

Literally...craptastic...

Oh my lord, funniest first date story ever.

More later, after some sleep, I have not been to bed yet. (Yes, it was a good as well as hilariously mis-managed date.)

m

TV Based Idiocy

Today, on Today Tonight: Tests unfairly advantage children who are BETTER PREPARED for them through tutoring. *cue shock and horror*

Tommorrow, on Current Affair: Icebergs are big. And pretty. And cold.

Guh.

m

Putting on my geek panties for a moment...

Check out this video of the Hubble Deep Field- pinched from Dating Dummy and Youtube, it's awesome!

m

Love and Hate Tuesday

Love: Damien Rice's fantastic cover of 'When Doves Cry' on Triple J's Like a Version CD. You must get this!

Hate: Centrelink. See below.



Dear Centrestink,

I know that I don't fit in your tight little box, with my apparently hugely complex academic arrangements. Which, while irritating, is something I can deal with However, I've been having a pretty shit time this semester, what with being diagnosed with Bipolar II and trying to get my psychiatric shit together, so I had to withdraw from uni.

This, as you'd understand, was pretty stressful- I am pretty dissappointed that I couldn't complete the semester, and am feeling generally stressed and not too impressed with myself about the whole failing and the being a crazy person thing.

Consequently, when I recieved a phone call from you guys today, telling me that because I withdrew, I can't get Youth Allowance over the holidays, even though I am going back to uni next semester just like everyone else, I was, understandably more than a little bit pissed.

To make matters worse, you want me to go onto Newstart allowance, which is weird, since as far as my university is concerned, I'm still a fulltime student, and as far as my job is concerned, I am definitely not a jobseeker. Newstart also won't pay me for the three weeks I'm in New Zealand, which kind of fucks up that whole "rent" thing I'm doing. I know I know, your hands are tied by rules and regs, I understand that. However, I have to say, I don't give a shit, and while your hands are tied I'd like to take the opportunity to take hold of them, bend you over, and jam a very large pineapple in that tight little box of yours. Okay?

/end rant

m

Example of why this blog is called what it is: Number 468

So I spent like 5 bucks on a tiny box of Coco Pops yesterday because I was completely sick of toast, and anyway, we are out of bread.

Naturally, right now, I have the biggest craving for Vegemite on toast.

*headdesk*

moi

Craptacular...

Reading this list over at Expat@Large made me laugh, and gave me "happy" nostalgia about my travels, particularly to Asia. Particularly my week long exchange to a school in China, where the toilet stalls didn't have doors. For some reason this horrified me much more than the ever-present squat toilets, especially when escorted to the loo by an eager student, who then proceeded to wait outside the toilet I planned to use.

I also completely relate to the preoccupation with bathroom/toilet facilities- after travelling through Asia, particularly if not staying in Western hotels, when I arrive home (or even at my home airport) it's all I can do not to lay on the floor in the bathroom stroking and kissing its glistening tiled surface. (Let's not even get started on what I'd do to the loo.)

At the other end of the bog scale, is the Frederick Hundertwasser toilet in Kawakawa, in New Zealand. Because I know you all like something to look at, here is a photo we took of it in our travels.



moi

PS. Forgive the crappy picture quality- it was 2002, after all!